Jerry’s Elvira Shirt: A Seinfeld Episode Remixed with Nerd Culture

If you aren’t sick of hearing about ChatGPT then perhaps you’ll appreciate this fun little project I wrote with ChatGPT. I asked for some assistance writing a script for some scenes from a Seinfeld episode where Jerry buys an Elvira shirt from our online store.  Here’s what we ended up with:

INT. MONK’S CAFE – DAY

Jerry and George are sitting at their usual booth, sipping coffee.

JERRY
So, I heard about this online store that sells pop culture and horror apparel and accessories. It’s called Nerd Imports.

GEORGE
Nerd Imports? That sounds like a website that sells nothing but bobbleheads and pocket protectors.

JERRY
No, no, they actually have some cool stuff. I was thinking of buying a shirt from there.

GEORGE
You’re not seriously thinking about shopping there, are you?

JERRY
Why not? I could use a new shirt.

GEORGE
Because, Jerry, you’re not exactly the horror-loving type.

JERRY
What are you talking about? I can appreciate horror.

GEORGE
(pause) Fine, prove it. Let’s see you browse Nerd Imports and order something that doesn’t make you look like a total poser.

JERRY
(smiling) Challenge accepted.

CUT TO:

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – EVENING

Jerry is sitting at his computer, browsing the Nerd Imports store. He sees an Elvira shirt and is immediately in love with the design. So clicks the “buy” button and completes the checkout process.

JERRY
(to himself) Alright, let’s see how long this takes.

CUT TO:

INT. MONK’S CAFE – DAY

Jerry and George are sitting at their usual booth, eating breakfast.

GEORGE
So, did you order that shirt from Nerd Imports?

JERRY
(smiling) I did.

GEORGE
And?

JERRY
And it’s an Elvira shirt!

GEORGE
(skeptical) Elvira, Mistress of the Dark?

JERRY
You bet. It’s a super soft and loose fit camp button down shirt featuring the iconic Elvira in an out of this world retro style design. Get this, it was created by renowned lowbrow rockabilly artist Vince Ray.

GEORGE
Vince Ray, huh? (pause) Alright, alright. When’s it coming?

Jerry’s phone chimes and he picks it up off the table.

JERRY
That was a notification that my shirt just shipped from Florida. Should be here any day now.

CUT TO:

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – THREE DAYS LATER

Jerry is sitting on his couch, holding a package from Nerd Imports.

JERRY
(to himself) Finally!

He opens the package and pulls out the Elvira shirt. He holds it up and admires the design.

JERRY
(smiling) This looks even better in person.

CUT TO:

INT. MONK’S CAFE – DAY

George is sitting at the booth, waiting for Jerry. The Waitress comes by.

WAITRESS
The usual coffee?

GEORGE
Yes (pauses) and what kind of pie do you have today?

WAITRESS
(she turns and looks at the counter) We have plenty of chocolate cream and it looks like one slice of apple. Do you want one?

GEORGE
(hesitates) I’ll think about it.

The waitress heads off to another table to fill up a customer’s coffee cup. Jerry enters the cafe, wearing his new Elvira shirt.

MAN AT COUNTER
(to Jerry) I love the shirt.

JERRY
(thanking him) Thank you!

Jerry sits down across from George grinning.

GEORGE
(surprised) So that’s the new shirt?

JERRY
(smiling) My new Elvira shirt from Nerd Imports.

GEORGE
(amused) You think you’re pulling that off? Are you serious?

JERRY
(defensive) Hey, it’s has Vince Ray’s art! Plus, it’s super soft and comfortable.

GEORGE
(skeptical) I don’t know, Jerry. It’s kind of cheesy.

JERRY
(disappointed) You just don’t appreciate the retro horror aesthetic.

George takes a sip of his coffee.

The waitress comes over to the table, placing the last slice of apple pie in front of Jerry.

JERRY
(confused) I didn’t order this.

WAITRESS
(smiling) It’s on the house. I love your shirt, it’s so cool. Nerd Imports?

JERRY
(thanking her) Yes, that’s the place.

WAITRESS
I used to watch her show all the time.

The waitress leaves. George looks on enviously as Jerry enjoys his free pie.

GEORGE
(nodding) Huh, who would’ve thought.

JERRY
(savoring the pie) Oh yeah, I did. (beat) Hey, you want a bite?

George considers it for a moment.

GEORGE
(nodding) Yeah, alright.

Jerry slides the plate of pie over to George, and they both dig in.

FADE TO BLACK

What do you think? Can you hear their voices as you read?   I had to make a number of tweaks as ChatGPT originally had Jerry walking into a brick and mortar location. Episode #79 of Seinfeld actually featured George going shopping for a suit and refusing to eat a slice of chocolate Cream Pie and so I felt like adding pie to the story.